Thursday, October 20, 2011

i call that love

I Call That Love


I’m in a place where words don’t work

Thoughts are flimsy

And feeling encapsulates me

If you can bear with me


And not mind,

I call that Love.

Sunday, October 16, 2011



He likes gadgets

Energized by
Technological advance

With knowledge
That’s certainly

amidst his computers

If he had a choice
Between his gadgets
And a wife

One can see
He’s very fond of
And very connected to
the plethora
of today’s

Business Man

Holding me at night
I’m wrapped in love

He strokes
Me all over
In the morning

And then
Makes love
To me

But when
The business
Day begins,
Is no longer

Friday, July 8, 2011

multi-dimensional reality

Lily Field — May 14, 2011

I read True Hallucinations 3 times recently.
And I'll probably read it again.

The very strange (unusual) exploration into dimensional reality was fascinating to me. Also fascinating were Dennis and Terence's ideas, theories and experiments with chemistry and sound, and how the brothers blasted off together into some weird and strange dimensional reality 'schizophrenia'.

I've read a lot and thought a lot, and I found that Dennis and Terence are among the most original, creative thinker/explorers out there.
I find Terence's time theory very interesting, very original and I imagine there is some veracity there.

When I was young, (19ish), I went off into a sort of borderline schizophrenia. Ever since my experience, I've believed there exists a more dimensional reality then we acknowledge. I also think our limited reality/perception is connected with the reason why human beings are deeply conflicted within (and without).

Wish I could join this forum. I, like a lot of people, am struggling financially.
But I would like a transcript, if possible.
I am very! looking forward to Dennis' book.

Sunday, February 13, 2011


No longer young
and I knew it today...

For more than a decade
I've been struggling
trying so hard to hold on

it wasn't the gray hair
the lines on my face
or the way my skin started to droop

it was insidious,
an unknown merciless threat

But today I knew
I was no longer young
and I also knew it was ok

Monday, February 7, 2011

more than the stars, planets, the cars and TVs

she came into my life like an energy force
impressing me right from the start
how could I have known
before she was born
how someone can capture your heart?

I remember the day I watched her run
when she was only two
And I noted with shock
that she was so small
than how was she bigger than you?

But that happens sometimes
I've noticed in life
how someone can come along,
who rocks your world
so it's never the same
and you never have felt so strong.

when she homeschooled,
she seemed to intuit
all day, all the things she could do!
Energetic and busy and filled
with ideas
for years, Never dull around you!!

With no trouble at all,
no assistance from me,
one project led into another
And you should have seen that
bright little girl!
and how she led all the others.

I guess I confess
she was a joy to me
because from the start I knew,
I knew I knew her
I knew she knew me
and how I knew that - I just knew

there's more to this life
than meets the eye
and this was one of those things
words can't explain
and I don't know why
but Love's past imaginings

And it's been a pleasure
along the way
to watch this child grow
from baby to girl to
young lady to woman
could I be happier -- the answer is No!

But ever anon I wished and I wished
I could give her the things that she wanted.
And even today as she turns 21,
I wish and I wish
and I wish

I know that she wants different things
than I want
the bling and the car and the condo
I want her to have all the things
she desires
however she can fanagle

But there's one thing I know
she was assured from the start
on that snowy post-Valentine day,
no matter what comes
in this life or the next
there's one thing that always will stay

there's somebody here
whose heart came alive
21 years ago to date, the same
for that was the day
that Ella was born
and 'Mommy' became my new name

Friday, January 28, 2011

regarding colin wilson's monomania

I've spent months now reading Colin Wilson's books, although I can honestly say, I haven't been able to read straight through any of them, but find myself invariably skipping here there and all over the place.

It has occurred to me that this is not my fault, but his. First of all he has written many many many books. From the long list of possibilities, I selected a number of titles that looked to me to be the most interesting. Some of these included subjects whose scope seemed impossibly daunting and bulky, such as "A Criminal History of Mankind" ('84).

Having had a taste of Colin Wilson's brilliance, however, I enthusiastically imagined I would gain many new insights, ideas and a more enlightened view of whatever it is that's wrong with humans and how this has evolved over time. However, just as Colin Wilson himself has repeatedly claimed -- he's written the same book seventy times over!

Colin Wilson certainly seems to have one lifelong obsession, albeit a provocative and endlessly elaborat-able one. Like many of us, he looks Existence in the face, and asks, "Why?", "What?", and "How?"

Beginning with his first published book, "The Outsiders" (1956), Colin Wilson looks to a certain type of individual in modern society who is reflected in many (then) contemporary works of literature, such as "Nausea" by Jean-Paul Sartre, or "The Stranger", by Albert Camus -- works that are classified as 'existentialist literature'. And indeed, the individual to whom he is referring, is the 'existential' one, he who finds himself a stranger in a vacuous society, able to witness, but unable to bring himself falsely to belong. This presents an existential dilemna for the individual, who tends to be unusually intelligent and sensitive, and who is then forced willy-nilly to spiritually and practically 'make do'.

So Colin Wilson's debut into the public mind is with a treatment of "Outsiders" which captured a vast audience (presumably of 'outsiders') and catapulted Colin Wilson to fame and high honor-- for a while anyway. But where Sartre, Camus, Dostoyevski, Shaw and everybody else highlighted in the vastly-referenced "Outsiders" kept their outsider depictions within the bounds of creative imagination, CW took it all much much further. CW seems to believe that the outsider symbolically as well as literally represents and accounts for an entire dark strata of human existence, history, evolution and meaning.

Something I must mention at this point, and which immediately struck me as singular-- upon reading "The Strength to Dream: Literature and the Imagination" ('61), which was book 3 for me, was that in addition to CW's flagrant intellectual gifts and capacious learnedness (all self-initiated, as he grew up in poverty and without education) was a willingness to explictly and unabashedly explore and treat with objective frankness some very dark subjects: sides of the human personality: individually, socially, historically and philosophically, that are usually reserved for horror movies or aberrent pornography. Hence, he doesn't shy away from in-depth treatment of such subjects as Allistair Crowley, serial killers, sex-killers, gurus-gone-mad and you name it. And that made me aware that with all our public enjoyment of horror and war stories, and for that matter of pornography, both explicit and the soft-kind that fills every PG-13+ movie and every bestseller, we skirt away from really wanting to know the man sitting on death row who killed people for no obvious reason -- we wash it over with wishful idealism, not really wanting to deeply consider and unravel his horror, his reality, his humanness.

But I like Colin Wilson very much! I like his open-mindedness. I like the fact that although he was famous for a short while and then rather infamous and looked down the nose upon and sideways at, he believed in himself and followed his own star. Sometimes it's clear to me, that a person is a Success in the truest meaning of the word, when he is true to his own self, especially when he's had and then lost public admiration.

In a book titled, "Rogue Messiahs: Tales of Self-Proclaimed Saviours" (2000), CW tells the histories of the individual progression of cult leaders such as Jim Jones and David Koresh, from the roots of self-delusion, to the growth of power, to the gruesome treatments and violations of devotees including the cult leader's strange extreme sexual dominence and abuse, and finally to some final horrifying apocoloypse.